Welcome to the first post of the series of the written versions of Abigayl On Air episodes. Today we are going to jump into Season 2 Episode 31 "Chasing Peace Instead of Success". If you'd like to listen to the episode you can do so by clicking here: Listen to S2 E31

 

Let's jump in! Today we may be getting a little deep but that is kind of the goal, I want to be able to create a space to freely and comfortably talk about these topics which was the original purpose of Abigayl On Air.  With that said, do you ever just stop and think “What am I even chasing anymore?”

Like when did life become this constant cycle of trying to prove that you’re doing okay instead of actually feeling okay? Because I mean honestly part of adulthood feels like running full speed toward a finish line that keeps moving. You hit one goal, and before you can even breathe, there’s another one waiting and I am not just talking about your career but literally point at something.

I’ve been  doing a lot of deep thinking about how much time I’ve spent chasing what I thought was success. You know – the version of success that everyone around you seems to define for you. A job title. A certain number in the bank. Your marriage and children. That imaginary timeline you’re supposed to follow.

And at some point, you start realizing, at least I know that I did- the farther I got into adulthood and the more caught up and pulled away I was… maybe what I actually want isn’t success. It’s that I’ve really been craving peace.

That’s when I pulled out my journal and asked myself “When was the last time you felt genuinely peaceful - not productive, not distracted - just calm? Can I even remember?”.. Can you even remember…?  Because truthfully, I can't clearly recall the last time, maybe slightly but it's foggy.

I think we live in a world that’s obsessed with noise, hustle, and proving ourselves. Which again was part of the inspiration behind the creation of Absent. Somehow we’ve confused success with stability.. But they’re not the same thing at all. And that’s kinda what I want to talk about today, so let’s dive into this first “topic” if you will with what I am gonna call “The Hustle Trap”...

The Hustle Trap


So I want to start this off with something we grow up hearing... “hard work pays off”, right? I know that a larger portion of us have heard that than not.

But no one tells you what happens when it does pay off — and you’re still not happy… and I don't mean like content happy, but I mean like blissfully, peacefully happy.

We chase promotions, validation, money, likes, recognition – and yet we’re still anxious, still restless, and still comparing ourselves to someone who seems a step ahead.

We grow up in this culture that worships hustle. If you’re not constantly grinding, you’re seen as lazy. If you take a break, people act like you’re falling behind. And if you’re not burnt out, you’re not “working hard enough”.

But here’s the thing and I am going to make another cheesy metaphor reference – chasing success can start to feel like running on a treadmill. You’re moving fast, but you’re not actually getting anywhere. You hit one goal, and instantly you’re already thinking about the next. There’s no pause. No breath. No satisfaction.

And that’s where the burnout creeps in. Not just physical exhaustion–emotional exhaustion. The kind where even when everything looks fine on paper, you still feel empty.

I think the problem is when life becomes a checklist instead of an experience, you forget why you started doing any of it to begin with.

Which brings me to our next talking point….

Redefining Success


Somewhere along the way, I started asking myself (yes I talk to myself a lot): What if success isn’t about achievement? What if it’s about alignment.

Like– how well my life actually matches the kind of peace I want to feel. What does that success look like? Not to society. Not to my friends. Not to Instagram. But to me.

Because the version so many people (along with myself)  were chasing– it was built on other people’s expectations. It wasn’t about joy, it was about performance.

For example.. To me, peace looks like slow mornings, romanticizing my morning coffee on the porch with the sun rising over the tree line while I watch the deer grazing in my yard and listen to the birds chirping. Just really soaking in the calm and peace of the world. Not rushing to meet deadlines. Not overthinking things I don’t really deeply care about. That's my personal little sprinkles of peace that make a big difference to how ready I am to conquer my day.

And the crazy part you may ask… is once you stop chasing success for how it looks, and start chasing peace for how it feels– your whole perspective shifts.

You stop comparing yourself so much. You stop saying yes to things that don’t align. You start creating space for what actually matters.


If you are up for it, I did this little "close your eyes and picture"  moment on the podcast episode and I thought it would be fun to include it here also. It is slightly just to prove my point - but hear me out, I think it's important to have moments of reflection, especially the "close your eyes and picture" kind.

Okay so- Take a second to close your eyes and picture what peace looks like to you…What’s there? What's not? Who's there? Who’s not? What does peace look like to you, what does it feel like? What's around you? What is the first thing that comes to your mind when you think peace?... if you can picture it.. You can realize peace isn’t the opposite of ambition. It’s the foundation of it.

The Fear Of Slowing Down


Slowing down can be terrifying, for me anyways that is.

It feels like falling behind, like everyone else is lapping you. Like the world is spinning at 100 miles per hour.. And you’re just standing still. But sometimes standing still is exactly what you need. Because when you slow down long enough to breathe, you realize how loud everything else was, that standing still is the only way to notice what’s actually worth running towards. You notice things you missed before– little joys, quiet moments, actual contentment.


Peace isn’t about escaping life. It’s about creating a version of it that doesn’t constantly drain you.


I speak on this heavily because there have been plenty of times in my life, including lately where taking pause is what held me together through burnouts, deaths, heartbreaks, and life transitions. You just have to take a breath and listen to yourself to be able to recognize moments where you need to pause and just be still.

When you slow down the noise fades and you start to hear your own thoughts again. You start to realize how much of your hustle was fueled by fear. Fear of failing, fear of not being enough, not being seen, not being valued.

Peace means letting go of control. It means trusting what is meant for you doesn’t need to be chased.

Building A Life Around Peace


I want to share a couple points real quick on the topic, things that have worked for me, things that I have shared with friends and family because peace can be so hard to practice much less achieve.

Setting boundaries that protect your energy.


I’m actually pretty good with this one, and there are SO many ways you can practice protecting your energy. Don’t feed your mind so much trauma and negativity, we weren’t meant to see everything we see and know today between the movies, and reels and things. You don’t have to watch all of it just because it’s there. In fact, choosing not to, will protect your peace.

And that friend that keeps blowing your phone up needing you for something, wanting you to do something and you just feel drained seeing their name pop up, they’re not for you babe, listen to you body and your mind. You are who you hang around and if they don’t match your energy, it may be a sign you need to protect it.

Learning to rest without guilt.


hehe this one… I may struggle with if I am totally transparent. I’m really guilty of feeling like if I sit on the couch for 20 minutes that that is wasted time. Or if I scroll TikTok instead of working or cleaning my house or cooking a meal, then I am totally failing. That is crazy behavior and the reality is, if you were the one giving advice to anyone but yourself in your situation, you would tell them not only is it okay to rest, but that they deserve it. And if we would tell anyone else that… why is it so hard for us to tell ourselves that, and give ourselves the permission to rest.


Saying no without explaining yourself.


Another one I am working on, I am using to being surrounding by "guilt-trippy" people if you will so I have always felt like if I don’t have some overly legitimate reason for saying no that I am just purely a bad person for saying no. But in reality, if it’s just that I am feeling more like I’d rather stay home then go out, or if I don’t enjoy the same things as someone else so I’d rather spend my time doing something I do enjoy, or even if I just would rather be anywhere with my husband then go out with friends or family, saying no is okay just because I said no. Just because it’s how I feel. Not because I am sick on my death bed or something but just simply because I don’t want to and my answer is thank you but no thank you.

Surround yourself with calm energy instead of constant chaos.


I will keep this one short and sweet... Know who your fueling people are and what your fueling environments are, I promise peace and calm are more addictive than chaos and drama.

Measure life in moments instead of metrics.


Fulfilling your soul by spending your day with family and friends (or by yourself in your happy place) where you feel at peace and purely happy is worth so much more than taking an extra day at work because you think money is everything. It’s not. Take the trip. Call in sick. Make memories. Don’t quit your job, that is not what I am saying, but it’s okay to set the boundary of work is work. It’s not life and you’ll never get back a chance to live the moments you missed.

 

Something I just genuinely hope you guys hear me out on, something I have learned. When you chase peace, success finds you differently. And it just feels softer.


Protecting your peace can be as simple as turning your phone off earlier. Saying no to something that the people pleasing side of you is screaming for you to say yes to, and just simply giving yourself permission to rest, to do something that brings you joy, go watch your favorite tv show without making a list that includes that you have 5 loads of laundry to do, a sink of dishes, and a house to deep clean. It’s not going anywhere, goodness we all know it’s not going anywhere. Give yourself grace.


So maybe this post is just your reminder – you don’t have to earn your peace.

You don’t have to prove your worth through exhaustion.


Success might impress people… but peace will heal you.


Because peace isn’t loud, it’s not shiny. It’s the quiet confidence of knowing that you’re exactly where you’re meant to be, even if it doesn’t look like anyone else’s version of success.


So if you’ve been running nonstop— it’s okay to stop. Breath.


Start living in a way that feels calm instead of constantly almost enough.


Maybe the real success story isn’t about how much you achieve — it’s about how deeply you can feel at peace with where you are.


With love & gratitude,

Abigayl